I first thought I would title this “growing old with dignity” as that seemed somewhat lacking in my own professional life with the exception of a few people including a Harvard profession, a college chair, and perhaps a few others. In any case, when I think of growing old gracefully, I think of my grandmother when she was in her 90s in a hospital room on IVs and oxygen who took the opportunity when no hospital personnel were around to unhook herself and try to walk several miles to her farm in LA … lower Alabama. When my aunt found her, the decision was to not keep her in the hospital and my aunt cared for her for a while, which was a burden.
I then volunteered to take her to UA … upper Alabama … as I was the only one of my cousins whom my grandmother called by the correct name. So we traveled North to my home and took care of her there. We managed that for a few months but it was a serious burden for my wife so we took her back to LA. While that does not sound so graceful, she actually was. My aging grandmother wanted to take care of herself and not be a burden to others. She had strong opinions and could still curse up a storm in her 90s. Why I was the only one of my cousins whose name she remembered is beyond me. Maybe it was because my mother was supposed to give birth to a girl and have no more children but I was not a girl although my mother did give birth to two girls after me. Because my grandmother was expecting me to be a girl, she had made several baby dresses for me which I wore the first year or two of my life. I have not been a cross-dresser since those early days, though. Just to keep the record straight.
But as I am growing older, I am discovering differences that I had not noticed when I was younger. Professionally, I see people seeking out younger colleagues and overlooking the older folks as if their knowledge and experience is no longer relevant. Perhaps I was like that when I was younger although at present my professional colleagues whom I most respect are all retired and most are older than me. Why do I keep working is a question my kids sometimes ask me. My answer is that I do not know what else to do. I have no real hobbies and I do like teaching students … some of them … some of the time.
Many of my
students apparently think I am too old to know anything useful, which might
well be true. Anyway, I admit to having old fashioned ideas and thinking that
the scholars I most admire are long gone … I mean Socrates, Plato, Maimonides,
Hillel, Gagné, and so many others … and there are still a few around who still
inspire me such as Dave Merrill and Paal Davidsen. What have I learned in all
these years? Two things: (1) I do not know very much, and (2) Most others think
they know more than they actually know. So it goes. Humility is a lost art. Hubris
is the theme of the times. Meanwhile, I shall adopt the ways of J. Alfred and
wear my trousers rolled and long for those days as a pair of ragged claws
scuttling across the floors of silent seas. Forgive the lack of quotations …
look up the reference. Libraries and books are still useful. No one is too old to learn, it seems.
Mike Spector
September, 2023
