Some original quotations:

 

Adults are just big kids with wrinkles.

If you can hear your own heartbeat, you may  be paranoid.

I used to be younger but now I'm not.

If you can laugh, you may be human.

If you can still laugh, you may still be alive.

A third of me is a writer; another third of me is a teacher; the other half is a logician.

I used to be a genius ... then I woke up.

Smile if you have teeth; otherwise, suck on a lemon.

Keep your money in your pockets and keep your hands out of there.

My father, the rabbi, told me once that for every tear you caused, you would lose one year of life ... by my own calculations, I should never have been born.

If bartenders ruled the country, there would be more bloody marys.

If there were more bloody marys, there would be fewer bloody martyrs.

If every adult was required to vote and every vote counted equally, we would be living in another country.

Once I ran away from home and got lost and ended up back at home. That was an example of circular reasoning.

Dead reckoning is a form of navigation that involves knowing where you want to go, the shortest way to get there, and running out of gas before you arrive. 

if you failed to smile at any of these one or two liners, then go suck a lemon. 

Mike Spector

June 2022